stop stalking me

Monday, August 08, 2005

mood-less

It seemed like I've lost interest in life.

I wasn't the same old me anymore. All the interest, the will to fight on, the optimissim has faded away. Vanished to be exact.

I thought things got better when I was in poly.
I thought it would only get better.
But it wasn't the case.

I am defeated. I've lost. I'm lost.

Tried to feel happy like my mom ask me to do so. I tried. It wasn't easy.
Tried to prevent another outbrust. I tried. It wasn't easy.
Tried to take it in my stride. I tried. It wasn't easy.
Tried to take things easily. I tired. It wasn't easy.
Tried to forget. I tried. It wasn't easy.

I was exposed to the cold cruel world. I wasn't prepared for it. I learnt painstakingly. It hurt. Badly.

Tears had dried but the wounds hasn't healed. Hidden beneath the cold front being put up, deep down inside invisible to the naked eyes, it's crying. A wound that would never heal. A wound that only time would make it numb from the pain.

I was left dangling.
I've fallen behind.
I've lost my faith.
I've fallen from grace.
My dreams I couldn't find, I'm lost inside.

Lijuan was telling me that you can always win when you are playing games. Yea, that's game. Only in games. If only I could win everytime in life. If only I could.

I thought I had let it go. I thought I had already moved on, or rather that I had moved on. It seemed like I was deceiving myself all the long.

Sometimes it feels no one understands.

8:59 PM
i spilled milk on the lawn